Does Your Pregnancy with Baby Promise Feel Unending? Here's How to Find Strength through the Long Wait

Weakened... or strengthened. Miscarriage… or birth. Which will you choose?

Those two little pink lines on a pregnancy test send some of the strongest emotions through your being that you will ever experience. I vividly remember my uncontainable joy, expressed through euphoric jumping, trembling, crying, and laughing, when I saw them. After a while, though, the initial blissful excitement does necessarily settle back down into daily living. Days become weeks… and then months. Long months. You get heavier and heavier, bulkier and bulkier. Eventually there are times that it feels like that baby is going to never come out. This is directly parallel to what we experience when we are carrying God’s “babies” (His promises) in spiritual gestation.

One September morning, I was struggling with exactly this dynamic. God had given me a personal word of promise, but the journey towards its fulfillment seemed to be dragging on interminably. As I poured out my frustration to Him, He flashed two pieces of Romans 4:19-20 into my spirit. I heard Him whisper, “Abraham was not weakened in his faith. He was strengthened in his faith.” He had piqued my curiosity. I leaned in to listen to what He was getting at. He went on to explain, and I carefully recorded His message to me. This is a portion of the journal entry that I wrote out to Him in interaction with His words:

I hear You, Daddy. You are talking to me about Your long term process. About the long-drawn-out kind of waiting that shaped Abraham. This is what shapes us too. Two things can happen with our faith on this kind of journey. Once Promise is conceived, faith can be weakened, and the baby miscarried and lost forever. Or faith can be strengthened – through the protracted experience of waiting on God. It will be either one or the other. 

Holy Spirit was teaching me about my spiritual pregnancy. He was doing so by delving into Abraham’s maturation process and all that transpired deep on the inside of him as he bore God’s Promise within. Immediately, He had my attention. I knew that I wanted to carry this spark of life full term. I didn’t want to miscarry the embryonic promise that was growing inside me. I needed my faith to be strengthened, not weakened.  The journal entry continued:

Waiting Your way, the Isaiah 40:31 way, is an active wait of expectation. In the face of impossibility, I aggressively feed on Your Word. I cling to hope with stubborn tenacity. Strengthening happens as a result, slowly but steadily. I push through exhaustion and discover that You are empowering me. I renew my strength in You. My faith receives new vitality incrementally, until I can run and not grow weary. All along the way, my heart is undivided in its abandoned pursuit of Your purposes.

By contrast, the opposite style of waiting – unspirited passivity – is inconstant and fragile. It is marked by the doublemindedness of an underdetermined, irresolute soul. This produces the opposite outcome in faith – its weakening and eventual death. This is akin to the weakly fruit produced by the second and third types of soil in the parable of the sower. Both were aborted before coming into full fruition.

How do we hang on when it feels like our Promise is never going to come to the moment of birth? Never going to show its face? We do so much in the same way an expectant mother cares relentlessly for the life growing inside of her – taking it a day at a time, and never, ever, ever giving up. The One who deposited His Word embryo into our spiritual wombs has invited us on a journey with Him. More than anything else, it is a journey of perseverance.

If you look up overhead, you will notice a banner unfurled over the trailhead as you commence this adventure with Him. The name of this path is “The Strengthening of Your Faith.” Pace yourself, pregnant runner. This is not a short sprint, but a long-term race of endurance.

“…Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith… so that [we] will not grow weary and lose heart” (Heb. 12:1-3, NIV).

So now you are not only pregnant, but you have also embarked on a marathon! Goodness, what have you gotten yourself into? I chuckle to myself as I ask that question. It’s a mighty good question. However, there is some incredibly important encouragement to draw from these verses I just shared, about our race. Holy Spirit wants us to see, and pay attention to, and find new strength in knowing, this: Jesus, the champion Marathoner who went before us, is the One who both conceived our faith and is causing it to grow. He is the Author of this pregnancy, and its Finisher. He is the one causing Baby Promise to develop inside you. He is the One who will bring you all the way through to the actual birth. He is faithful, and He will do it!

My journal entry continued:

So, as Abraham surrendered to Your process, You were the One who strengthened his faith. It’s not something he did for himself. If we’re talking about his own ability to believe, that’s what produced Ishmael. No, it was You, perfecting His faith as he held onto You and waited, yielding to Your strengthening process. The testing of his faith was gradually yet powerfully producing perseverance, character, hope! You gave strength to him who grew weary. His weakness of faith, shown by engendering Ishmael, was turned to unshakable strength. This process climaxed in the birth of Isaac, the embodiment of laughter and joy. On this journey, Abraham had truly “obtained what was promised.” He had become mighty in battle. He had developed extraordinary stature in spirit, emerging as the very father of faith. He had risen on eagles’ wings.

My dear ones, all Daddy God is asking us to do is to keep holding on. If you cling to Him with steely determination, He will do absolutely everything else required to see this baby born. He will be the One strengthening your faith. He will be the One lifting your spirit. He will be the One buoying you up time after time when you become fatigued. He will provide just the right encouragement at just the right moment, again and again. These boosts will become the vitamins, nutrients, and calories needed for your pregnancy. He will cause Baby Promise to mature and take shape inside of you. He will watch over you from beginning to end. He will keep the life within you safe.

Yes, you will grow tired and weary. Even youths do. But as you hold fast to Him day after day, seeking Him with all that you are, I promise you this. Strengthening is going to happen. And eventually, you are going to learn how to soar.

My oldest daughter, Ester, decided just last week that she needed to begin a new exercise regimen. You have to understand that this idea has never even been on her radar before. In fact, she has vocally despised physical activity with a vehemence. She was equally expressive about how grueling the first moments were, when she came home after Day 1 of the new routine. She could barely run a few steps without feeling downright bone-tired. However, I know her. She is one determined kid. It won’t surprise me at all if she presses through the discomfort and comes into both strength and stamina that she has never known before.

I love the Message version’s description of our race as we each push through the pain:

“All good athletes train hard. They do it for a gold medal that tarnishes and fades. You're after one that's gold eternally. I don't know about you, but I'm running hard for the finish line. I'm giving it everything I've got… Everyone runs; one wins. Run to win!” (1 Cor. 9:25-26; 24 MSG).

Training hard. You’ve been there. You are panting, exhausted. As Isaiah 40:30 puts it, “tired and weary.” But you make yourself do it. You keep going. You put one aching, worn out foot in front of the other, yet one more time. You plod on. You push through. Something mind-blowing is happening in that moment. Even as you are feeling your weakest, you are actually becoming mighty. Even as you feel like you are about to break in half, your faith muscles are quietly, steadily filling out into solid, unbreakable strength.

Just a few verses above those we just saw about our race of endurance, we find these words: “…who through faith conquered… and gained what was promised… whose weakness was turned to strength; and who became powerful in battle…” (Heb. 11:33-34, NIV, emphasis mine)

This faith journey, this spiritual pregnancy, this marathon, is all about becoming. I love an old Margaret Becker lyric that so beautifully describes what God is doing with each of us submitted to His process: “Slowly I’m becoming who I am.” Maybe today it feels like your feet are blistered and bleeding.  Maybe all you long to do is collapse in the shade and be finished with this interminable race once and for all. But you don't. Daddy is watching with overwhelmed tenderness as once again, in spite of your exhaustion, you refuse to give up. As you doggedly take one more step forward through the pain, as you cling to His words to you for yet another day, slowly you are becoming who you are. That is, the breathtakingly strong person you were born to be.

For this reason, pregnant runner, never, ever, ever, ever, ever give up! Your weakness is – ever so slowly and arduously, but ever so surely – turning to strength. Even when it feels like you are floundering, the truth is that you are decisively vanquishing your enemies. You, beloved one, are becoming MIGHTY in battle. You really, really are going to gain what was promised.

And once Baby Promise has been born, you are going to observe something new and awe-inspiring in yourself. First, you are going to find with amazement that have you have become a seasoned athlete who is no longer easily tired. “They will run and not grow weary” will have come to be your own personal reality. Not only that! You will also look back and discover with amazement that you have grown an exquisite pair of eagles’ wings. In wonder, you will quickly turn your gaze downward and catch sight of the earth far, far beneath you. Ecstatic joy will suddenly explode through your being as you realize that you are soaring. You will close your eyes, lean rapturously into the wind, and feel heaven’s currents lift you higher than you have ever been before!

Daddy God, I hear Your life-giving words to my heart today. Thank You that you see me in the midst of my exhaustion. I am so grateful that You empower me at exactly the right moment again and again – just when I feel like I can’t take another step. You are my glory and the lifter of my head! You are my marvelous encourager, my Wonderful Counselor, the Perfecter of my faith. I am clinging to You as Your power works inside of me to shape me into the one I was born to become. Slowly I’m becoming who I am. I choose with all my heart not to quit on You. Right now, You are strengthening me. Right now, I am getting stronger. As You continue to form and grow Baby Promise inside of me, I surrender completely to You. I yield to Your ardently intense commitment to turn my weakness into strength, and to make me mighty in battle. I am running this race to win. I am Yours, and I will never, ever, ever, ever give up! 

Have you determined in your heart not to quit on God's personal promise to you? What are some of the ways that you find strength when exhaustion threatens to take you out of the race?

Is the Birth of Your Promise Taking Longer than an Embryonic Elephant? Here's Why...

Here is a startling thought: Abraham carried Isaac in his spirit for over twenty-four years before Sarah ever carried him in her uterus. He got pregnant long before she did.

His journey from conceiving Promise in his spiritual womb, to the moment of birth so many years later, is what made him into Abraham.

In the same way, whatever word from God you are carrying in your spirit right now is making you into you. That is, into the fully developed you that God saw and called forth from eternity past before the worlds were formed. He is the Author and Finisher of your faith. The good work He began in you, He will complete. And much of His transformational process inside of you will happen as you carry His “baby” of Promise.

Did you take God’s pregnancy test and find out you are expecting? Now comes the more challenging part. There is absolutely no guarantee, whatsoever, that you are going to see this particular baby show its face nine months from now. In fact, you probably won’t. Spiritual pregnancies are peculiar. They could take any number of months, or years. In my own life, I’m convinced that I beat out the elephant (who bears her young for two years) with some of the things He’s had me carry within. Abraham and Sarah? The physical pregnancy with Isaac did take nine months. But again, the spiritual pregnancy took twenty-five years!

In the natural realm, human pregnancies last for three trimesters, or nine months. This has spiritual implications.  As we move into the heavenly realm, the number nine stands for the fruit of the Spirit. What’s astounding is just how much of His fruit is actually going to develop inside you, as you stand firm and nurture the life that is growing within, for the full period of gestation.

Oftentimes, we are so anxiously fixated on wanting to see the manifestation of whatever God has promised us, that we miss the most vital point. Yes, He too is joyfully anticipating the moment you can set eyes on His Promise burst forth from your spiritual womb into physical reality. However, He had an even greater purpose in impregnating you with His word in the first place. This conception was all about who you are coming to be in Him! His purpose in breathing Promise into your inner being was to produce fruit deep within your spirit that will endure for all of eternity – “fruit that will last” (John 15:16). Heavenly fruit. The exquisitely beautiful fruit of His own nature, worked profoundly into the very fabric of who you have become.

In God’s language, children are often a symbol of spiritual fruit. Through an eye-opening story from the gospels, Jesus helps us understand this truth. He points out in Luke 7 the contrast between the Pharisees who have rejected Him, and the spirit-hungry listeners who have eagerly received Him. In this context, He makes the statement, “But wisdom is proved right by all her children” (v. 27, NIV, emphasis mine). In the parallel passage in Matthew, His words are expressed, “But wisdom is proved right by her actions” (Matt. 11:19, emphasis mine).

We can conclude from this that “children” are equivalent to “actions.” Our actions – our choices and the way we live -- are the fruit that we are producing. They are the “children” of our spiritual wombs. The spiritually ravenous that embraced Jesus’ teaching were producing the fruit of wisdom. The cold, prideful, closed religious leaders were not. God’s sperma, His Word, found no place in their spirits to make a home. Though He scattered His seed in their hearts, it fell on hard ground. It was immediately lost forever to the birds of the air.

I rejoice that you are exploring this subject with me! My reason is this: if you are taking the time to more deeply excavate an understanding of spiritual pregnancies, then I know you must be one of His hungry listeners. And if you are yearning for Him, then you too will spend your life producing His fruit, His babies, His children. I’m celebrating both whatever Promise you are currently carrying for and with Jesus, inside your spirit – and the breathtaking wonder of how gloriously you are going to resemble Him when He has finished taking you through this full gestation experience!

For some time, He has been on this subject with me. I mentioned Abraham and Sarah. Even though Sarah was the one who physically carried Isaac in her womb, the Bible goes into much more detail about Abraham’s inner journey towards that birthing. Truly, Isaac’s appearance was much more a story about spiritual pregnancy in both a man and a woman than it was about his natural arrival. Holy Spirit has particularly arrested my attention through this Scripture:

“Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead — since he was about a hundred years old — and that Sarah's womb was also dead. Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God…” (Rom. 4:19-20, NIV, emphasis mine).

Isaac began to take shape in Abraham’s spirit years before God knit him together in Sarah’s body. He was conceived by God’s divine sperm far, far in advance of being conceived by Abraham’s physical seed. In Abraham, God found a man willing to tenaciously carry His promise on the inside for an indefinitely prolonged period of time – for as long as necessary for the full process of maturation to be completed. In other words, for as long as God needed to finish producing “the fruit that would last” deep, deep, deep within the core of his being.  From studying his spiritual pregnancy, we can learn an incredible amount about the development of our own faith on God’s chosen journey for us.

“What then shall we say that Abraham… discovered in this matter?” (Rom. 4:1, NIV). In my next post, we will quarry deeper into the mine that this man, the “father of the faith,” unearthed for us. The golden treasures he uncovered will provide us with wonderful encouragement as we continue to press on with our pregnancies…

Daddy God, what is it that You want to strengthen in me as I carry Your Promise within my heart? I ask that You would speak to me today about Your process with me. Show me more about what You are doing deep inside of me. I welcome Your transformational changes, welcome Your relentless development, welcome Your beautiful workmanship in me! Continue to breathe life and vitality into what You have planted in my spiritual womb. Once again, I surrender to Your magnificent purposes. You are my Rock and my portion forever!

What are your thoughts on God’s long term work in you as you hold onto His promises? I would love to hear about your journey!

Do You Dare Take God's Pregnancy Test?

Did you know that you may be carrying within you God’s plan to permanently alter your reality for His kingdom?

Did you know that you may be pregnant?

Here’s how to tell. Has God given you a promise regarding a circumstance in your life where you are desperately needing Him to show off His glory? Did you take Him at His word? Has that promise not yet materialized? Are you still holding onto it?

Then you ARE pregnant!

Anyone with any knowledge of biology knows that in order to produce a zygote, two elements are needed: an egg plus a sperm. The same is true in spirit. In order to produce a spark of new life on the inside of us, two elements are also needed: faith plus a Word from God. These two must come together for conception to happen in our spiritual womb.

If His Word found fertile faith in you, than CONGRATULATIONS!!! You are expecting! Brand new life is on its way to your home! I am smiling as I type those words. I know He is too.

Photo via mentalfloss.com

(For more introduction to the concept of spiritual pregnancies and how men also carry them, you can read here and here).

Before anything else, I believe that the first thing He wants to do is to commend you. He wants you to see what an incredible thing it is that you have a spiritual womb environment that is and has been eagerly ready to receive the implantation of His divine seed. This verse describes exactly what you did:

“Humbly accept the word planted in you…” (James 1:21b, NIV).

That you even have an inner atmosphere of faith cultivated in your spirit, with the capacity to host what He would deposit in you, is amazing.

In the natural, how many, many, many times does a man’s seed simply die before it ever has a chance to create life? An average male produces 525 billion sperm cells over his lifetime, and only a very few of them, if any, actually become a baby. It is only when the woman’s egg has come through a full maturation process that successful fertilization can even happen. And even then, an estimated 50% of fertilized eggs are lost before they become a successful pregnancy (UCSF Medical Center).

How does this translate into spiritual terms? What happens when the divine sperm of God's Word finds no fertile faith to inseminate? Conception cannot happen. Hebrews 4 tells us that this is exactly what transpired with the Israelites who died in the wilderness and were never able to appropriate and enjoy their Promise (Canaan). “The word which they heard did not profit them, not being mixed with faith in those who heard it.” (Heb. 4:2b, NKJV, bold emphasis mine). Word did not encounter faith. The divine sperm found no mature, receptive egg. A generation died in the desert instead of receiving what God longed to give them.

God is ALWAYS speaking. But Jesus asked out loud, “When the Son of Man comes, will He find faith on the earth?” (Luke 18:8, NIV). Way too frequently, the divine sperm finds no home. This is parallel to the biological reality that it takes the production of about a billion sperm per one zygote conceived. Can you see how marvelous it is, if you are one who actually received and retained the deposited seed of His word? Just like He said to Mary, “You have found favor with God!” (Luke 1:30, NIV).

The USCF website explains, “The receptivity of the uterus… [is] important for the implantation process.” Again, you need to hear this. Holy Spirit is rejoicing over you. He wants you to join in the celebration. You are a fertile environment for the reception and gestation of His Word. Yes, you! You who have not given up on His word breathed into your inner being -- this is you! Fertilized Promise has planted itself in your womb, and has begun to grow inside of you.

The proper response is to be amazed. Be in awe of the privilege that is yours. At the same time, let your spirit rise in awareness of the responsibility that you now bear in stewarding this pregnancy.

I remember the euphoric wonder that crashed over me in waves, and poured through my eyes in overwhelmed tears, when I found out that I was carrying my first baby. In one life-changing instant, I knew to the very core of my being that I would do ANYTHING to protect and nourish this child. I would give my last life’s breath if need be. In the same way, when God has implanted Promise on the inside of us, this lioness instinct must rise up within to guard, defend, and nurture the new life commended to our care.

Let’s get you in to see OBGYN Jesus right away. He will lovingly instruct you on how to go about this protecting and nurturing. He will gently remind you that the first trimester is the most vulnerable part of the pregnancy. Baby is taking shape, and is in critical need of the ideal environment for this process. Around eighty percent of miscarriages happen in this window, a fact which speaks to how vulnerable of a time it is for the little one (babycenter.com). During this crucial period, we must be on guard against our enemy, watchful and alert. He will always try to extinguish life at its very inception, before it has a chance to develop and become strong (see Rev. 12:4 and Matt. 13:4,19). We will never allow a spirit of fear to govern us; however, being acutely aware of his nature and strategy is imperative for effective vigilance.

The devil will try to steal from you what God has entrusted to you. The very thought of what will come to pass when you have born this life full term has seized him with terror. He knows what is growing in your womb, and he knows it can only mean one thing: unspeakably devastating destruction to his kingdom. He will fight you with every resource at his disposal.

Here’s some transformational perspective though: he has already lost. Your Maker, Your Husband has given His entire being to the covenant He has with you. He has pledged fierce commitment to shield and defend both you and the life developing inside you. You are in His powerfully capable hands, and He will zealously carry you all the way. Be comforted and assured by these words: “God protects the one he has fathered, and the evil one cannot touch him” (1 John 5:18, The NET Bible®).

With this mighty encouragement in your heart, it is time to get Mama (or Papa) Bear passionate about giving nourishment and attention to the Word He has given you to carry. It is time to partner with Him in pouring the very best of care into the Promise budding within you. Let feasting on Scriptures, staying hydrated with His living waters, and resting in His green pastures, consume your mind and heart. Invest generous amounts of time into what has now become your most vital assignment. No matter what it costs you, you feed and guard this tiny one. Give the entirety of your inner space to nursing God’s baby until He brings you to the moment of birthing! Don’t give up, dear one. You will see Promise born!

My Creator, my Husband, with all my heart, I thank You that I have found favor with You! I am in awe of the privilege You have given me, to bear Your life within. I am also deeply relieved to know that You are carrying me throughout this process. I rejoice that, just as You are the Author of my faith, You are also its Finisher. Just as You planted this Promise in me, You will provide the strength, protection, inspiration, support, and sustenance needed for Your word to come through the full gestation cycle within my spirit. Teach me to partner with You in stewarding and caring for what You have deposited inside of me. I am Your willing vessel! Let it be to me as You have said! 

What are your thoughts on carrying God’s purposes within you to full term? Struggles? Suggestions? I would love to hear from you!

The Roaring Man of War... and His Birth Pains

A war cry! “AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!” Eyes flashing like lightning, He bears down with terrifying strength on His enemies. He is invincible, unstoppable. They stumble over themselves in the sheer panic of their flight.

Wait. Was it the guttural roar of victory that came forth from Him, or was it the all consuming roar of birth pangs? It was both.

“The LORD will march out like a champion,
    like a warrior he will stir up his zeal;
with a shout he will raise the battle cry
    and will triumph over his enemies.
‘For a long time I have kept silent,
    I have been quiet and held myself back.
But now, like a woman in childbirth,
    I cry out, I gasp and pant.’”
(Isaiah 42:13-14, NIV)

God? God – with all His glorious Warrior imagery, looking and sounding like the perfect specimen of idealized masculine strength and conquest – giving birth?

Yes.

Look at this one too:

“He chose to give birth to us by giving us his true word” (James 1:18a, NTV).

Giving birth is part of God’s nature. This was true for all of eternity past, before He deposited this aspect of Himself into Eve’s biological design, making her in His image. The Hebrew word chuwl, meaning to travail or bring forth, is part of the text in Proverbs 8 describing the Creation story (vv. 24–25). God travailing. God birthing. Moses also expresses the same idea, speaking in Psalm 90 of when He gave birth to the mountains and brought forth the whole world (v. 2).

In the beginning, He gave birth to the breathtaking beauty of this planet on which we live. Today, He continues to give birth. Every day, thousands of people across the globe are born to Him. He is giving birth in Spirit. As Jesus explained to Nicodemus, they are being born from above.

“Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit” (John 3:6, NIV), He expounded to His nocturnal visitor. This is also what happened to you when you became His. The day you were born again, His Spirit gave birth to your spirit. This time, you did not come forth from your mother’s womb; you came forth from His – a living being, a new creation, a spiritual infant pristine in the perfection of His righteousness.

Spirit begets life-giving spirit. You were made in His image to bear life in like manner. His makeup is bursting with creativity; so is yours. He has a Spirit; He gave you one too, like His in so many ways. Giving birth is in His nature; and it is part of yours as well. His Spirit births what did not exist before; He has placed this same capacity within you.

Men, don’t check out on me! Giving birth is not an exclusively female thing to do. (No, I am not making any kind of cultural or political statement about genders; I am speaking purely of spiritual matters. In order to understand, you must listen with your spirit.) Reflect with me again on the biblical imagery at the top of this post. God’s mighty, manly war cry is associated with childbirth! Here is another Scriptural case in point. Would you consider the Apostle Paul an exemplar model of godly manhood? With all the strength of his masculine spirit, he made this exclamation: "My dear children, for whom I am again in the pains of childbirth until Christ is formed in you...!" (Gal. 4:19, NIV).

God’s Spirit gives birth. So does yours. We all have spiritual wombs, and because we have His nature by creation design, we are extremely fertile. We will give birth to something. Tragically, much of humanity is using this capacity we inherited to produce the fruits of the sinful nature. Three verses above what we just saw in James about God giving birth to us, we read this about the fallen nature’s gestation cycle: “…When desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death” (James 1:15, NKJV). Similarly, Eliphaz’s exposition on the rebellious in the book of Job states that “They conceive trouble and give birth to evil; their womb fashions deceit” (15:35, NIV).

You have a spiritual womb that will spend a lifetime producing either joy or sorrow. What if I told you that God wants to move through this part of you to bring into being His plans and purposes for this world? Would you be excited if you knew that Mary was not the only one He chose to carry and birth what He wants to establish on earth? What if you can’t even imagine how astonishing His dream is -- what He wants to bring forth through your willing, fertile spirit? What if you and I answer Him in the same way that she did? “Yes, I am a servant of the Lord; let this happen to me according to your word” (Luke 1:38, NET)!

If you are willing, get ready.

Conception happens in a moment of intimacy. You are alone with God, pouring out your love to Him. Your heart cries out to His heart, "Take me away with You—let us hurry! Let the King bring me into His chambers" (Song 1:4, NIV). As you draw near to Him, He tenderly, exquisitely draws near to you. You have asked for more of Him, and you are receiving it. With all that it within you, you are seeking His face and His heart. In answer, He comes and drenches your yearning with a deluge of His manifest presence.

You are lost in worship, lost in His embrace, lost in His gaze. As you glory in your oneness with Him, imbibing His beauty, it comes. The moment arrives. As Holy Spirit hovered over the primeval waters, so He hovers over you. As He overshadowed Mary, so He moves in to overshadow you. As the Logos of God was made flesh in her womb, His Spirit deposits a Word into your inmost being. His divine seed encounters your spirit pulsating with expectation, ready to receive what is passing into you. Word combines with faith. Promise is conceived. Suddenly, softly, silently, you are carrying new life within.

Will you now ask for the chambers of your Bridegroom? Will you let your spirit cry out for Him as deep cries out unto deep? Will you give Him access to the womb He created inside of you? Will you invite Him to overshadow you?

I long to bring you to my innermost chamber—
this holy sanctuary you have formed within me.
O that I might carry you within me.
I would give you the spiced wine of my love,
this full cup of bliss that we share.
We would drink our fill until…
His left hand cradles my head
while his right hand holds me close.
We are at rest in this love.
(Song of Solomon 8:2-3, the Passion Translation)

What is Holy Spirit showing you, speaking to you, stirring in you as you read these words of Scripture?

The Divine Sperm (Yes, It's from a Bible Verse!)

Blood. Vernix. A beautiful newborn child cradled in my arms.

Several days ago, I dreamed that I was giving birth. The baby was coming at a breathtaking rate. No sooner had I boarded the motocar (local taxi) to head to the hospital, she was bursting forth. I received her into my own hands as she emerged, covered in the elements of the womb. I marveled as I embraced her that I had experienced no pain or discomfort, or even had to push.

I knew as soon as I remembered this vivid dream that through it, the Lord was initiating vital communication with me. But what did He have in mind when He breathed such an arresting picture into my spirit as I slept? What exactly had He hidden within His own allegory for me to search out and understand?

Have you ever had a dream about birthing and wondered about it too? Could God really be portraying a message from His heart through a picture of human reproduction? I am convinced that He actually delights in this kind of secret language. So, an invitation. I would love to explore together the rich depths of biblical symbolism pertaining to this topic – would you join me?

In reflecting on the imagery of my dreams, I keep a key principle in mind. Everything in God's physical creation points to a reality in the heavenly realm that existed long before He spoke the Earth into being. Everything that came into existence between verses 1 and 31 of the first chapter of the Bible is a shadow of an eternal spiritual reality.

A striking example of this principle is found in God’s Old Testament desert dwelling. Hebrews 9 explains that the Jewish tabernacle was a copy of the real sanctuary that exists in Heaven (see vv. 23-24). God warned Moses to be painstakingly meticulous in following the blueprint He gave him for its design. This is why: His glorious earthly habitation was to be a precise replica of His original, heavenly sanctuary (Heb. 8:5). In this way, His children would begin to have a taste and glimpse of the transcendent, otherworldly reality of His eternal home. To the Father, this was crucially important. His house was to be on Earth as it is in Heaven.

The natural sanctuary represented the spiritual sanctuary. In the same way, everything that we can perceive physically here exists in parallel to something bigger, greater, more powerful, and more exquisite in the celestial realm. (I am referring to everything that God called “good” and “very good” when He brought forth Creation. This does not include the tragic aberrations afterwards caused by the fall and the devil.)

This truth extends into every component of God-breathed life on this planet. In its original creation design, Earth mirrors Heaven. As a result, oftentimes we can learn something about the heavenly places by keen observation of the material world around us. We use our five senses to absorb what it around us, leaning in to listen to the Holy Spirit and to search His Word. We ask Him, “What does this -- that my hands are touching, that my eyes are seeing, that my ears are hearing -- teach me about Your Kingdom?”

Of course, Jesus was aware of this principle of parallel realities during His earthly life. He explained to the multitudes that the Kingdom of Heaven is like a sower who scatters his seed… like a pearl of great price… like yeast working its way through some dough... Each and every one of His parables seized on an aspect of earthly life to open up for His listeners a corresponding facet of heavenly truth.

This Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Today just like two thousand years ago, Earth mirrors Heaven in many, many ways. If you gaze intently and quiet yourself to hear, the simplest things around you have precious and profound gems of wisdom hidden within them. If you seek them out with Him, you will find them. (I get teased for finding a Bible verse or a sermon illustration in everything that happens around me, but it really is true! He is intimately present in His creation, if we have eyes to see and ears to hear.)

Now I return to unpacking my dream. Pregnancy and childbirth are one of the most spectacular arenas where the principle of parallel realities comes into play. Did you know that the Bible talks about the elements of gestation in a spiritual sense? I recently came across this verse in my personal studies:

"No one born (begotten) of God [deliberately, knowingly, and habitually] practices sin, for God’s nature abides in him [His principle of life, the divine sperm, remains permanently within him]; and he cannot practice sinning because he is born (begotten) of God" (1 John 3:9, AMPC, bold emphasis mine).

Other Bible versions use the term "seed" instead of "sperm" in this verse. That probably sounds a little less edgy, more polite. However, the actual Greek word in the Apostle John's original writing is transliterated sperma. This word, sperma, is translated "seed" in other New Testament passages, referring to what a farmer sows in the ground. In still others, sperma is rendered "descendants" or "offspring." However, in this verse, the wording "divine sperm" is clearly an accurate translation of the concept John was bringing to us when he penned the word sperma.

We can see this by the context: being born of God. Sperm and birthing are closely related ideas. Just as I was engendered by my physical father's seed, so I was born a second time, in spirit, by my heavenly Father's seed. Just as my dad's DNA is reflected in every cell of my body, so God's sperma remains in the makeup of my spirit and defines who I am. Here is another Scripture that utilizes the same illustration: "You have been regenerated (born again), not from a mortal origin (seed, sperm), but from one that is immortal by the ever living and lasting Word of God" (1 Pet. 1:23, AMPC, bold emphasis mine).

Spiritual birthing is an intriguing subject. As a result of the dream I told you about, I’ve been ruminating on it. I had a sense that the Holy Spirit was prompting me to write up some thoughts about it for you. It began to stir inside me when I ran across this “divine sperm” phrase in my reading. I prepared to obey. And then something happened that made me smile big.

As I was sitting with my laptop perched on my legs getting ready to type up this post, my daughter Ester came into my room. She lay down next to me and let me in on a musing that had "randomly" popped into her mind. "Mom, how is it possible that something so tiny as an egg and a sperm, can produce a baby?" Haha! I delight in how the Lord so often reinforces His direction for me through comments from my thirteen-year-old girl. She had no idea what I was about to start composing. I had not shared any of my contemplation of the topic with her. I knew immediately that His Spirit had provoked that pondering in her mind to encourage me in my writing.  Instead of responding to her query, I beamed at her and said, "Thank you for the confirmation, honey!"

Her question is exactly what Holy Spirit is inviting us to consider from a heavenly perspective: How can God produce brand new life inside of us from something so “tiny” as a spiritual egg and sperm? I will elaborate in my next post. Good things to come -- stay tuned!

A prayer for today:

Lord, is there something You want to show me today hidden in the world around me? I don’t want to miss it for the hustle and bustle of life. Teach me to be still and know that You are God. Empower me to quiet myself in Your presence and lean into You. Train me in Your holy calm. Lead me beside Your tranquile, living waters. As I am attentive with my five senses, speak to my heart and reveal Your heavenly realities to me. Daddy, I long for more of You!

Do you have an experience to share of learning something about the spiritual realm from observing an aspect of our physical world? I'd love to hear about it in the comments section!

Forever Ecstasy

I believe that our loving Daddy deeply longs for us to understand His heart on the subject of testing and trials. In my last post, we talked about how Abraham stole God’s heart away and became His eternal friend, by allowing God to KNOW love in an experiential way. This was the life-changing meaning behind the introductory verse, “God tested Abraham” (Gen. 22:1) I promised you another post about the tests that we go through. Let’s explore this difficult subject further together today.

I am vividly remembering a time that I looked up into Jesus’ beautiful face to ask for His help. My heart wanted to understand more deeply why He allows me sometimes to suffer. I looked right into His eyes and asked, “I know to my very core that You love me. How can I reconcile Your intense love for me, with the pain You have allowed me to walk through? How can Your fiercely devoted, tender heart be okay with me aching? Please help me to understand.”

Yes, I know pretty much all the Bible verses there are to know about suffering. Here’s one of the most quoted, and most apt:

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance” (James 1:2-3).

So we learn that the painful circumstances of our lives will ultimately be for our good. Holy Spirit is developing character in us. But still! My heart cried out, not in rebellion against His management of my life, but in yearning to fathom what seemed contradictory. “How can You be at peace with using this affliction as the tool for my refining? If my pain hurts Your heart so much, why is this the way?”

As soon as I asked, He was answering me.

He explained my pain by telling me about His pain. I felt Him moving around inside my spirit to expand from within my understanding of this matter. He breathed revelation into me of what it means for Him to be Immanuel, God with us (Matt. 1:23). He shared with me that He personally experiences the pain of every human being on the planet, all the time. He steps directly into it.

He told His disciples, “Whoever rejects you rejects Me” (Luke 10:16). He was making clear to them that when they went through the sting of rejection, He felt it personally, to the very inmost chamber of His being. Those angry looks they internalized, those powerfully hurtful words piercing their hearts – each and every one went into His own depths. “The insults of those who insult you have fallen on me” (Rom. 15:3, NIV), He said.

This truth did not just go for these twelve men that walked closely with Him – He told them that it was also true for every starving, naked, forsaken, sick, and imprisoned soul – in short, everyone who is hurting on the Earth. That when these downtrodden ones are cast away and shunned, He Himself is the recipient of their abuse:

“Then the King will say, ‘I’m telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was Me—you did it to Me’ (Matt. 25:40, MSG).

Jesus Himself experiences the ultimate depths of human pain, every single day. He is Immanuel. He is involved. Profoundly, intensely involved. He is here. He is walking among us. The tiniest sigh of your discomfort sweeps through His entire being. Your pain is His pain. When you weep, His chest heaves with your sobs. Not just in sympathy, but because He is feeling what you feel even deeper and more keenly than what you feel it.

Multiply that by seven billion. That’s a tremendous load of pain. Not to mention six thousand years of human history in which He has been making a pattern out of owning our agony. Not to mention the place where He carried it all to the supreme degree of internalization – Calvary’s hill. Isaiah the prophet looked forward through time to the unbearable emotional and spiritual anguish Jesus would take into Himself when He died for the world:

“He was despised and rejected—
 a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief.
We turned our backs on him and looked the other way. (NLT)
He was hated, and we didn't even notice him.
But he took our suffering on him and felt our pain for us” (NCV). (Is. 53:3-4a)

The Lord told me that before anything existed, He was brooding deeply over the creation of the world. He looked into the future, and He saw all of it. He saw every single heart wrenching, agonizing scene. He saw Himself completely submerged in, wrapped up in, living inside of, each one.

He saw the enraged husbands beating the wives. He saw the demonized soldiers raping the villagers. He saw the burning buildings. He saw the ashes and the scattered, broken bricks. He heard the terrified babies screaming. His heart took in the wrenching cries. And He saw you. He gazed upon your own face and whispered your name. He saw every occurrence of heartbreak you would face in your short lifetime here. He saw Himself weeping, grieving, in the midst of each and every one of them. Beforehand, He already tasted the raw ache His soul would carry day after day, year after year, millennium after millennium, as Immanuel. He fully anticipated the cup that He would drink – your pain, my pain, everybody’s pain. It would be fully His own.

And then He looked beyond it all. He gazed forward into eternity. He drank in, ahead of time, the absolute bliss of being entwined with you forever and ever. He saw the joy set before Him. YOU are the joy set before Him. He closed His eyes and was captivated by the picture of ecstasy that He saw: you and Him as one, swirling in a forever sea of intimacy and rapturous, unspeakable delight. And in His infinite wisdom, He knew that no matter how immeasurable the pain He would bear, it would be exceedingly worth it. To be with you. Endlessly lost in love.

He is looking right at you in this moment. Look up into His eyes. They have born the pain of the ages. In them is an indescribable depths of love for you. He gestures with a movement of His head at all of His suffering. And, gazing deep, deep into your inmost being, He says in the most tender of tones, “My love, you are worth it all! All of this, to have you in My arms!”

Jesus measured all of the pain to come. He knew that birthing the Creation would come at an extraordinarily great personal cost. And He chose to create the world anyway because He KNEW that the euphoria of having you for all eternity would far outweigh what it would cost Him.

In the same moment, He drew from His unsearchable wisdom, and He knew something else: it would also be worth it for you. “Consider it pure joy” is no cruel joke, no exaggeration, and no hyperbole. Even the most piercing, penetrating pain fits into the biblical category of “our light and momentary troubles” (2 Cor. 4:17) when shifted into the perspective of the everlasting elation that is up ahead. “For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.” He isn’t lying, dearly beloved treasure of His heart! Far outweighs! That eternal glory of oneness with Him really, really does. It far, far, FAR outweighs every single tear!!!

When we get there, all of this will look like nothing at all compared to the bliss. “Not even worth comparing” to the ineffable glorious reality that will surround and overwhelm us forever (Rom. 8:18)! Not even worthy of being placed on the scale together.

He said to “rejoice and be exceedingly glad” about the reward of your suffering (Matt. 5:12). When the moment comes to stand face to face with the One who loves you more than His life, with Him who has walked through every sorrow you face and made it His own – when He marries you and wraps you up forever in His embrace of breathtaking intimacy, you will know  – all that pain is now gone forever. You’ll sink into His arms and exclaim in exultation from your deepest heart… that none of it was anything at all compared to the unending ecstasy that is about to begin!

My sweet, sweet Lord Jesus, Lover of my soul, thank You for choosing to create me! You knew that making me, making us, making this world, would pierce you through and through. It would wound you in the worst way that anyone can be wounded. But You decided that I was worth it. That the immeasurable joy of being one with me forever was so much more than the hurt. I come into agreement with Your infinite, unsearchable wisdom! Whatever I am going through today, is worth it, that I could revel in Your heart, in Your closeness, in Your union, in Your love glory, for all of eternity. Please open the eyes of my spirit more and more to see this present moment in the light of Your eternal perspective. And thank You that today, right now, You are the Healer of my inmost being. You are the strength of my heart and my portion forever!

Blogger’s note: My husband, children, and I will be heading to the U.S. for three months of itinerating in just over a week. Our schedule will be extremely full during that time, so I anticipate having significantly less time available for blogging. Once the trip is over, I should be able to resume my regular posting schedule. Thank you for following my blog, and be richly blessed today!

Stealing God's Heart -- This is a Test, This Is So Much More than a Test

Have you ever wondered why God would need to test us? I have. I think back to school, when the teacher would give us tests as a device to measure our progress in the subject matter. Why would God need to measure where I’m at? Doesn’t He know everything already? Isn’t He omniscient?

His word does comment on this:

“And you shall remember that the Lord your God led you all the way these forty years in the wilderness, to humble you and test you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not” (Deut. 8:2, NKJV).

Still, why? Why would He need to come up with a test to find out what’s in our hearts? Can’t He just use His X-ray vision, look inside of us, and instantly come up with an answer? Tests are grueling! Often even painful! Why do we have to go through this stuff?

In this post and the next, I want to look into two specific examples of Biblical testing and see what we can pull out of them to help alleviate these questions that sometimes weigh on our minds.

Holy Spirit was talking to me about the first example I will share very recently. I was in the middle of an intense workout, and He chose that moment to drop into my spirit something that amazed me. (Yes, He likes to speak to me while I’m exercising to Jillian Michaels videos. He’ll communicate with us Spirit-to-spirit ANY TIME if we are tuned in and looking for it!)

As He so often does, He whispered a verse to me and began to explain it. This time the Scripture I heard clearly on the inside of me was, “Now I know that you fear God, since you have not withheld your son, your only son, from Me” (Gen. 22:12, NKJV).

He was initiating a conversation with me about Abraham’s ultimate test, and what it meant to Him.

The familiar tale unfolds like this: God asks Abraham for his heart’s treasure, Isaac, as a sacrifice. Abraham immediately obeys. The opening line of the story lets you know right off that the narrative that follows is about a test. “Now it came to pass after these things that God tested Abraham…” (v. 1a)

But again, why? Did God need “test results” to figure out if Abraham was devout? The Supreme Creator exclaimed when the deed was done, “Now I know that you fear Me!”

Lord, did You not know before that moment, that Abraham feared You? In Your majestic omniscience, had You not already gathered that he loved and reverenced You? Don’t You already know that we love You, without testing us in such extreme ways?

Yes. God knew. And He knows. But foreknowledge is never the same as experiential knowledge. God wanted to experience Abraham’s passion in the deepest way possible. Head knowledge was not enough. He, too, longed for heart knowledge of His covenant partner’s love.

Abraham could have said no. God would have respected his no. He respects our no, each and every time we are not willing to go all the way there with Him. Our free will is completely intact, and He will never, ever violate it. But Abraham said YES, and that stole God’s heart away completely!

Here is something to consider, as you listen in to understand God’s thoughts and emotions on this matter. Is it enough for you to know in your head that God loves you, if that knowledge never reaches your heart? I looked back at some of my teenage journal entries recently. They are overflowing with prayers, longings, even begging God to know His love beyond my head and into my heart. Head knowledge never satisfied anyone. Each of us can profoundly, sometimes achingly identify with the lyric,

“I want to know what love is, I want you to show me
I want to feel what love is, I know you can show me…
Show me love is real, yeah, I want to know what love is”
                                                               - Foreigner

To know love. To feel love. To experience love. To drink of it exquisitely, to be consumed by it. To know that it is REAL. You and I and every human being on the planet long for that. Guess what? He does too. You were created in His image. That yearning in your heart directly reflects the Original Edition and His own longings. He made you just like Him. So you would long for Him too.

Even the words, “I love You,” out of our lips do not satisfy His burning desire, if He has not yet actually experienced our love. Listen to His heart when He expresses,

“These people draw near to Me with their mouth, and honor Me with their lips, but their heart is far from Me” (Matt. 15:8, NKJV).

Can you hear the pain in His voice?

And again, “Then I will declare to them, 'I never knew you; depart from Me…’” (Matt. 7:23, NKJV).

How will Jesus be able say that He never knew someone, when they stand before Him at the end of their life – if He knows everything and everyone? Here too, He is talking about experiential knowledge. This is the deeply personal knowing that comes through intimacy. The verb in Matthew 7:23 that is translated “knew” is the Greek ginosko. It means “to know…through personal experience” (HELPS Word-studies). The Lord will tell these people, “I never walked intimately with you. I was never allowed to experientially know your devotion. I never got to drink in heart knowledge of your love. You decided not to be Mine.”

Abraham gave Him the opposite. Abraham fulfilled the deepest longings of Daddy God. In this son’s ultimate act of devotion, God tasted a love that infinitely surpassed anything that He simply knew via foreknowledge.

It’s time to listen to these words again, with your deepest soul: “Now I really, really know! You have not withheld your son, your only son, from Me! Oh Abraham, how exquisite is your adoration! How it conquers My heart! How it causes My inner being to bubble up and spill over profusely with joy and pleasure! You have ravished Me with your worship!”

X-ray vision doesn’t cut it, folks. Daddy God craves our passionate love.

This is what the testing is for. It’s not about measuring progress or gathering data or awarding brownie points. God longs to know you the way He came to know Abraham. He is ablaze with desire to ginosko you. Holy Spirit is inviting you to understand -- when He asks for your own personal Isaac, it’s not because He’s mean and demanding. On the contrary – He is achingly yearning for you. He wants to take His relationship with you so much deeper. He wants to experience for Himself, to the very depths of His burning soul, how much you love Him. He wants to live out love with you.

Close your eyes and lean in. Listen -- He is singing to you: “I want to know what love is, I want you to show Me…”

Daddy God, You craved Abraham’s tangible love, and he gave You the experience You longed for. He conquered Your heart in actuality and became Your friend permanently. You yearn for my love, my fiery affection, my fierce devotion too. You desire to be my most intense passion, to be the One that I love the most. You are inviting me to let You feel the deepest depths of human love possible. I want to give You this experience too. I want to give You what You long for. I want to fulfill Your yearnings. Take me! Take all that I am! Take all that I long for, and make me wholly and completely Yours!